This Is Original Reporting

When you’re asked to cover a supermodel and her girlfriend acquiring a sex bench, and you want to do some original reporting, you get on the phone and start calling Los Angeles sex shops. My latest on Forbes:

“Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson Are Spotted with a $390 Sex Bench”:

“Next, I tried Hustler Hollywood in Hollywood. ‘Give me a moment,’ the woman who answered the phone told me when I asked if they had the sex bench in stock. ‘I'm going to see if we still have it in the back.’ When she returned, she revealed: ‘We have one left.’”

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The Reverse Cowgirl Rides Again

This is a line from "Julie & Julia," starring Amy Adams and Meryl Streep. Adams plays a blogger named Julie Powell who sets out to cook all of the recipes in Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and Streep plays Julia Child (the book's author). Both characters were real. In this scene, Julie learns from her husband that her blog on Salon.com in which she chronicles her cooking is the third most popular blog on the site. While it's not in the movie, Julie's blog was in third place because it was less popular than my Salon blog, The Reverse Cowgirl. ✨

Over on Instagram, I reminisced about how I ended up being not-referenced-referenced in the movie “Julie & Julia.” At the time, I had a very popular blog on Salon. It was called The Reverse Cowgirl. Subsequently, a less popular blog, which was about cooking, was turned into a movie.

Like this blog? Support my work by buying a copy of my digital short story: "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

The Girl

Iterations 🎨

I’m taking a comics-making class, and this is something I did in the third session. It’s iterations of my main character. She’s in her underpants. I decided to take the class so I could practice drawing. What I like best about the class is that it asks you to focus on creativity. Sometimes, when you’re a journalist, creativity is not encouraged. But if journalism isn’t an act of creation, then what is it?

Buy my digital short story: "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

I Am Ready for This Porn-Themed Coffee Shop

I did a really interesting interview with xHamster’s Alex Hawkins about an idea they had for an adult-themed coffee shop. What started out as a stunt may become the real deal. I mean, is it really that far-fetched? Consider the breastaurant. Or toilet-themed restaurants. Why not XXX?

Read: “If a Porn Company Opened an Adult-Themed Coffee Shop, Would People Come?”

Not long ago, a curious email arrived in my inbox. Apparently, xHamster, a juggernaut adult website, was launching a chain of adult-themed coffee shops. The first of its 18+ coffee shops would be in the San Fernando Valley, natch, and in Chatsworth, specifically, a neighborhood in the northwest sector known for churning out adult content. The stores would be called xHamster with Cream and would offer "adult-themed custom drinks and free, unfiltered WiFi." There was even a mission: While other coffee shops, like Starbucks, had banned adult viewing in their stores, xHamster with Cream would offer porn fans a "safe haven to get their fix."

Want more? Get my digital short story: "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

Happy Gumroad Day!

Help celebrate my seven years of being cancer-free and Gumroad’s eighth birthday, aka #GumroadDay, by buying a copy of THE TUMOR, my surreal short story about marriage, malignancies, and monsters. If you’re thinking about self-publishing, I highly recommend Gumroad. Very easy to use and sell your products!

From “The Tumor”:

“My original idea was that we take her out in the yard, and that I, an expert marksman, shoot her in the breast at the site to which she had pointed, thereby destroying the tumor. My wife remained silent but shook her head vigorously. Apparently she did not agree with this unorthodox approach that I felt would provide her with the most expedient remedy.”

Comics-Drawing Class, Day 2

Crushing it in comics class, obvi 😂

If you’re a writer, art class is great because you don’t have to use any fucking words.

Support this artist! Buy my short story: "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

What's the Ratio

She’s on Twitter and she has a name, asshole @abigaildisney https://t.co/8obt2s58vt

— Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) April 2, 2019

I got ratioed here — and, surely, I was out of line — but I was annoyed. I’d recently read this interview with Abigail Disney, and I found her really charming: humble, shrewd, and filled with moxie. In any case, she ended up responding to his tweet in a far more sophisticated way than I did, so there you go.

Thank you so much for helping me remember her name in such a friendly way. https://t.co/wKKsooEcom

— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) April 2, 2019

Thanks @KevinMKruse my plate's pretty full with what I'm doing-what's kinda sad is the folks out there with way more $$ than I have using it just to make more $$. The structure is the problem, and yes, journalism dying will only make that worse. I wish I could do this! https://t.co/HOM8iDKFCv

— Abigail Disney (@abigaildisney) April 2, 2019

Want more? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

Girls Write Now

Over on Facebook, I’m raising money for Girls Write Now, which helps “underserved young women to find their voices through the power of writing and community.” So far, I’ve raised $255 of my $1,00 goal. Donate! It’s a great organization.

According to GWN:

“We are a community of women writers—educators, editors, poets, novelists, playwrights, journalists, literary agents, publishers, and more—on a mission. Since 1998 we’ve provided guidance, support, and opportunities for New York City's high school girls to develop their creative, independent voices, explore careers in professional writing, and learn how to make healthy choices in school, career, and life.”

Want more? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

One-Word Dating Site Reviews

Tinder: Dicks.

Bumble: Betas.

Match: Maritals.

Coffee Meets Bagel: Pass.

OkCupid: Youngs.

The League: Elites.

Hinge: Yawns.

eHarmony: Serious.

Zoosk: Abysmals.

Want more? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

The State of Journalism

In case you were wondering about the current state of journalism …

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I Get Email

 “Hi boss can supply drugs”

Want more? Download "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

Ms. Destroyer

Wow. What a nutty movie. “Destroyer.” A bare-faced Nicole Kidman lunges across Los Angeles in pursuit of bad guys. Honestly, it’s been over a week, and I can’t even summarize the plot. All I remember is Kidman plowing through the world like it owed her something, and the debt holder had to pay. This movie was directed by a woman. It’s not for everyone. It’s for people who think life is a crock—and then you’re dead.

(Go see it.)

Enjoy my work? Get "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

The Boy's Club

“Soon, the solitary, woeful figure that I am will vanish from this earth, where I have always been a spectator, an outsider among men.” https://t.co/QSFVCcsiit via @KarenAbbott

— Susannah Breslin (@susannahbreslin) February 12, 2019

(You can follow me on Twitter here.)

Enjoy my work? Get "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

The Artiste

Signing up for a comics making class for no reason other than to blow @youngmattc out of the water with my amazing artistry ⚡️

Not long ago, I signed up for a comics-making class. I’ve made some comics in the past and had several published, and I thought it would be a good idea to have an outlet for expression that wasn’t just words. I’ve always made comics by taking photos and using digital means to manipulate them into what looked more like art. This time I’m going to try actually drawing. Unfortunately, I’m not very good at it. I’m good at the words, and the storytelling, but my art is not strong. It’s not even close. I’ve made a few ahead of time, and I bought some colored pencils. So far, they’re pretty ugly. Maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s what you tolerate.

Enjoy my work? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

Sexing a Pigeon

Awhile back, I wrote that I’d be sharing the latest developments that I have regarding my investigation into the sexing of a war hero pigeon named Cher Ami who may be a hen or a cock. This issue is important for several reasons, including that the bird is identified as a cock at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History, where the bird is stuffed and on display. If the plaque that identifies the bird as a male is incorrect, it matters, given how many people visit there every year: 4.3M visitors in 2018, apparently. In any case, here’s an email I got from a reader and fellow Person Interested in Cher Ami—I hereby christen us: PICAs—who came across my posts: Dr. Marianne M. Gilchrist. Also, I’m excited to report I’ve gotten a very interesting lead from the National Archives. So, more to come. Thank you, Dr. Gilchrist! You can find the full thread of my Cher Ami posts here.

___

Email subject header: Cher Ami the Pigeon

Date: November 17, 2018

Hi, Susannah!

Having recently discovered Cher Ami's story, and your blog thread on her, and being very fond of pigeons, I just thought I'd add an observation on gender:

While it's difficult to be sure, given that the bird is stuffed, and taxidermists can change an animal's shape, my suspicion is she's a hen. Cock pigeons are chunkier and tend to have a thicker neck, with thicker feathers that they can puff out as a ruff in courtship dances. Cher Ami's neck is more slender. Cocks also have bigger ceres (the white 'nose') above their beaks.

I found these images online that demonstrate sex dimorphism in pigeons. Cher Ami looks to me more like a girl pidgie.

best wishes,

Marianne

___

[My reply on January 17, 2019]

Thanks, Marianne, and apologies for the delayed response. Would you mind if I posted your email on my blog? I could use your name or not.

___

[Dr. Gilchrist’s reply on January 18, 2019]

Hi!

Yes! I've also read that she was discovered to be a hen when she was stuffed.

I wonder if the stresses of war had stopped her laying eggs? She was an adult bird.

best,

Marianne

Enjoy my work? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

To Be Read

Image via Rakuten

ForbesLife did a roundup of their most popular posts for 2018, which included my coverage of France’s first sex doll brothel. As of this writing, that post has 97,096 views. Here are a few thoughts on making content clickable.

1. People tend to write for themselves. In the click economy, that’s not so smart. You must consider your content as seen through the eyes of the readers. Readers suffer from the paradox of choice. Why should they click on your content instead of others’ content? If you think about topic and titles from their perspective, rather than your own, they’ll choose you.

2. Content doesn’t sit in a series of discreet buckets. It’s not binary. It’s fluid. Feature writing, copy writing, and long-form journalism pull from the same well to fill various vessels. Borrow and merge. Remix and redeliver. Stop being a snob about your words and care to be read.

3. The external real audience is just a projection of the audience inside your head. The critic, the fan, the artist, the voyeur, the flaneur. They’re in the world, but they’re in you, too. The path to finding your true self winds through them like trees, their boughs brushing as you pass.

Enjoy my work? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

Ban Billionaires

💰BAN BILLIONAIRES💰 hoodie by my buddy 🖤@claytoncubitt🖤 #banbillionaires #getmoney

My photographer friend Clayton Cubitt is producing some amazing works-for-sale as of late. I had to own his BAN BILLIONAIRES hoodie. The design is slick, and the sweatshirt is a cool cut and the softest material ever.

Enjoy my work? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

Say Cheese

Got photographed by @smeetamahanti today 📷

The other day I got photographed by Smeeta Mahanti, who took this bad-ass photo you may have seen.

Enjoy my work? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

Wait for It

Graphic novel of Paul Auster's City of Glass 🏙

The nice folks over at Seriocomic have asked me to write a short piece about the comic of my choice. Seriocomic is “a weekly series of enthusiastic posts, contributed by HILOBROW friends and regulars, on the topic of our favorite comic books, comic strips, and graphic novels.” My contribution will be appearing in the spring. For my “comic,” I chose the graphic novel version of Paul Auster’s City of Glass.

Enjoy my work? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."

Pigeon Shutdown

As I mentioned yesterday, I’ll be posting some updates to my investigation into the gender of a famous war hero pigeon named Cher Ami who’s stuffed and on display at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History. In the meantime, I’ll share this automatic response I got when I replied at an email sent awhile back from an archives specialist at the National Archives at College Park who saw my tweets about Cher Ami on Twitter. In my email to him, I asked if I could share the research he’d sent me, but I got this in response instead:

“The National Archives and Records Administration is closed to normal operations due to a lack of appropriations. I will be out of the office until I am authorized to return and will respond to your inquiry at that time. Thank you.”

Basically, the only thing standing between you and learning more about Cher Ami is Donald Trump.

Enjoy my work? Buy "The Tumor." It’s been called "a masterpiece of short fiction."